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Nim Chimpsky taught us all we know about language. Before he shared his wisdom, we were just blabbering nonsense until he blocked our pathway to doom with a gilded mirror. If you see him in a zoo, you should thank him, but don't even glance at his young human wife because he might stop teaching at the university, and then we'd stay chained to doom. I put some of his cloned dna into my coffee every morning (to make it taste better). "Eat the treat monkey!" Einstein couldn't even speak until he was four years old. Nim Chimpsky is fed only blueberries and beetles because it makes his poop taste better. There is an annual banquet. Register online!