ZMT_041

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"Art is the only thing left for people who don't give science the last word. I didn't want to be called an artist, you know. I wanted to use my possibility to be an individual." -Marcel Duchamp

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CAN SUCH THINGS BE? This Is The Real Story Behind One of the Strangest Cases of the Unexplained! Just hearing the story will increase your bodies' resistance to infections and sadness (or it may trick you into committing suicide "samurai style" (if you are sympathetically tuned to such a sour suggestion)). The Pentagon was NEVER hit by a Boeing 757! The military only needed to cover up their negligence in leaving the keys in the ignition of the flying saucer they parked in a Walgreen's parking lot when the AirForce pilot was buying antacids. An angry and psychotic homeless veteran saw it as destiny to get in and "take her for a spin". His dementia persuaded him to head straight for the Pentagon. He has aiming for the hole in the middle, like a giant game of Frisbee golf. He was my uncle Bob, and he called me on my cellphone mid-flight, and he said "All of our problems will be solved! Drink yer liquor from a gun shaped bottle! And for crying-out-loud GET SOME GUITAR LESSONS!!!

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As Henry Ford said, "Believe you can, believe you can't; either way, you're right." Before the last morn, I was lying in bed, apparently awake, when suddenly I experienced a range of primarily somatic sensations, including vibrations, heaviness, and paralysis. Then I experienced the vivid sensation of separating from my "physical body" in what felt like a second body, floating above my bed. Dogs always know who's bad immediately, and bark uncontrollably. Whenever you look through binoculars, you see two joined circles instead of one. (now add: Raw goat milk, fish, unrefined sea salt) I went up in a plane and dispersed artificial yellow coloring throughout the snow cloud so that upon landing I could pee wherever I want and/or you could never know which snow to eat or not eat. OK? I'm serious. Do you remember everything you see?

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I came home yesterday and this naked lady was painting snail shells on my wall. I said "Hey duchess, I'm I pirate and your vandalism will NOT lead you to redemption!" We then found ourselves snorting Splenda for seven hours. "I guess your bonus went right up your nose!" she said. Then we drove around for an hour shooting deer with paintballs. She drank milk and threw up icecream. In the rearview I saw her moonlit on the highway, rave dancing. I saw her a month later and all she drew was ninja-turtles (still in the nude). I sent her a baby bird in a cigar box (there were holes). She sent satan over to my house to knock me down and kick my stomach and face. I wrote "The earth hums my penance." in indelible marker across her bumper. Even now, when I play my cigar box banjo, I whistle and chirp while I picture her hands emptying a loaded brush. (Everything sure seems like a crappy metaphor with a picture of a naked lady next to it.)

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It was a slow, painful process, becoming invisible, but you should embrace it now (as real life has nothing to offer you and you should merely see it as a sick joke). The first thing you will need is a guitar and a puppy with only two legs. (it's ok to laugh at handicapped animals because they like the attention) Feed it eye boogers and it'll do a flip. Wrap your entire car in bubble wrap and then you can nap on the freeway. Those bite marks mean I care. If you call Alf a Muppet, he'll rip you to shreds. A coma is just a comma in life. It was the perfect job for a shy, nerdy sophomore. Why do giant unibomber glasses look so hot on a girl? About a month ago I waved the white flag on my graphic novel. Blogs are the future!

020

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If the repression is lifted, the instinct is set free. She embroidered the mask he wore. The value of this should be obvious... once you know that it exists. I pre-vized how the "carry all" bag would look with the words "embroidery is tacky!" embroidered on it, and it looked almost sophisticated. Many purchasing agents are frantically trying to rearrange travel plans. His telepathy is so strong they all lost they're bowel control. They learned to paint pictures with floss and fabric! Attention werewolves, your ant farms could backfire at any moment! Put jelly on a side of beef, yank out your two front teeth and go to town!

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Today I am so cranky it's stupid. Pajamas can disappear forever for all I care. If you are looking for the knowledgebase that was on the old version of this site, you can forget about it. People who believe conspiracist allegations sometimes act on those irrational beliefs, so there! Don't go check on your car, I had nothing to do with it. (Pickles the clown was controversial for reasons related to ethical standards.) Her answering machine message was composed entirely with a single pitch-shifted sample of screaming. A picnic hat is a hat, usually composed of straw, to be worn outside at a picnic. Comfort brand unisex disposable underwear fills an ever-growing industry need. Pickles wears a new disposable g-string every 5 minutes!

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The average literacy rate is not necessarily 67%. It has been featured on television. The book about it peaked at number four! The government owned a shop in the early 70's selling hand made boots. Adventures in a brainship led me far from sane. The formal agreement made the sea monkeys very happy, and there was no filibuster. The accession number in bioinformatics specialize in high class timber furniture.